My Story.

If you dont tell your story, someone else will. And since the time I have not been blogging and my results are out and I am into college, it has always has been somebody else telling my story.

May: Mingling with best of fours and best of fives, people posting the best calculation they can make out of their marksheets, friends and relatives calling in huge numbers, calls waiting, proud faces around the house and voices all around you enchanting, “Xaviers! Xaviers!” Yes, results.
Relatives who did not remember your birthday which went just 2 weeks ago, very well remember that you have given your boards under CBSE this year and thus demand marks. “Kitna aaya Chetan ka?” Even if I would’ve scored a 97% which is like 15 marks more I have already got, I would have still said that I got lucky to get into the category, “bhot hi bariyo aayo” among relatives. It is that dangerous phenomenon. So, all my family members and relatives, close and far told my story. I was gaping at them, thinking to myself if 94.25 would be enough for any good?

June: One after another, lists were coming out. None featured my name. Suddenly, one list did – Narsee Monjee Economics Honours. Isnt that great? Mumbai! Economics Honours! One of the best management colleges! Certainly a package which nobody could put down. I did. I decided against going to Narsee Monjee. To fast forward the story after that, presidency and xaviers were not taking me and finally I had a screen open on my laptop, which I never considered navigating through – The Bhawanipur Education Society admissions page. It felt like giving up. I tried to settle myself with my shunned dreams. Delhi University, Mumbai University, Presidency University, Calcutta University, nobody adopted this homeless. I don’t even know if anybody or anything told my story. My story was finished.

July: Hopes saw their end just when Xaviers uploaded its third list for bcom. I still thought I would be going with eco hons at bhaggu. I was willing to take the road less travelled by, but xaviers just kept pulling me towards it. From dropping Narsee Monjee to applying for Bhaggu and being upset, then considering it against Xaviers bcom and finally settling with Bcom hons, it was just a reckoning of how safe and secure school was. It was always a shelter to all the uncertainties for 12 years. Being into Xaviers, did not make me as proud as it made others. I could never update a status saying, “Xaverian!!!” I knew how fragile pride can be. But my marwari family was as glad as they could be. “Xaviers mei ho gayo, chhorro” reached the world through my landline. My family told my story. Xaviers told my story.

Where was I? In a shell, pushed back further with each coming story. But I was not deterred, I was waiting. Waiting to tell people my story. Sooner or later, we all will have our own story to tell. It is about time. I want to become Xaviers’ pride. That is when Xaviers will be my pride. What you did in 12 years at school, college demands something similar in 3 years. Here, life just starts to get fast paced. Will time tell my story? No. I will. I will. 

Denial.

The taxis in Kolkata continue to not take passengers. The managers refuse to hike the salaries. The teenagers won’t agree with their parents. Girls won’t pay heed to so many requests from the guys. There is more denial in the world today than acceptance.

Thus, I Refuse.

Denial means a refusal to comply with or a refusal to give/ satisfy a request. Why do people deny? Autocracy is one reason. The managers enjoy the authority. The teenagers like the access to authority. The taxis are authoritative for no reason. For girls, authority means attitude. 😀 Autocracy cannot be helped. What cannot be helped, isn’t worth discussing.

If Denial means a refusal to satisfy a request, what can be a better example than Congress? The Indian National Congress.

Denial may even mean the consistent non-speaking of Manmohan Singh. [ I haven’t joined NaMo India, yet.]

Getting back to where we were, Autocracy is one reason, different thoughts/ ideology can be another. A fight always takes place between two rights. Ideologies are the prime reason for denials. If denials can be graded as white and black like the lies, these would be put under white denials. They do not harm and are healthy. What is unhealthy is the growing differences between these ideologies. What is unhealthy is when these ideologies are influenced with wrong reasons.

Denial has another dimension. This is where the debate is. Denial may mean a refusal to accept the truth. Break up happened a few months ago. The girl/boy says, “I have moved on”. On 63% times, this proves to be the biggest and the best known Denials from over all the statements that are.

[Am I not a good economics student? What-a-diagram!] This is what it is when Denials mean refusals to accept the truth. Denials have justifications. Vague Justifications. Justifications which move in circles, away from the truth. There is no preaching above the fact that one should accept the truth. Having said all this, are Denials bad in such a case? Obviously yes or Maybe not.

[Hell yeah! My Diagrams ♥] Reality may not always be true. Denials may sometime be a fight for the truth. Maybe those justifications move in circles to prove the truth over and over again. Reality is stubborn. Maybe that student has really put a lot of effort before failing. Maybe the ones trying, have tried tirelessly but in vain. They continue to deny. Reality asks acceptance. And now, they are still trying. Trying to justify…. but…. in vain.

Topic by Mansi Goda, a friend.

My Fav♥urite Shirt.

January 21, 2012 at 10:52pm

Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
Love. It’s a simple but overused word. “I love you”. The word doesn’t mean much anymore, not to most. Some people scoff at it. We throw it around like a used shirt, wearing it because it’s comfortable, safe, and secure, but never truly understanding why we have it. We lend it out, forget about it, and years later, we think, “Hey, I really liked that shirt.”